A Conscious Decision To Seek Out Black Women
I get a lot of emails by White men asking me about Black women. While more and more relationships are driven through online dating, I’ve always felt that Black women were more prone to face-to-face meetings. Don’t you think?
When White men do strike up an online interaction with a Black woman, they tend to use the internet as a way to gradually expose them to their faults, physical appearance, and other idiosyncrasies. Sort of ease into the notion of getting together. This is the passive approach.
When I was pursuing Black women initially, we didn’t have the internet or even cell phones! I never cared I was the only White guy at the club, at the BBQ, or at the house party. I saw what I wanted and made my move.
Is being White sometimes an advantage in social settings among Blacks?
I’d say…yes. Why? Because it demonstrates to Black women that you are comfortable around them. You like their food, their music…and most of all you like them! And there’s a lot of curiosity and excitement surrounding that.
Of course, if I were like many White men, who work hard to segregate themselves, my experiences with Black women would probably be non-existent. Perhaps, like yours?
Approaching A Black Woman
When I was dating Black women, I didn’t have statistics at my disposal that told me that Black women were the least likely to date and marry outside their race. And even then, I wouldn’t really care. A person who’s motivated and driven does not let any obstacle get in their way.
Being White, and approaching Black woman comes with enormous preparation:
You have to be dressed well. — But never too thuggish, too urban or wearing all one label. You should always be the best dressed though. It’s a must. Plus, you need to be sending the right message to Black women. Trying to be “gangsta” or “hard” is a no-no. It’ll make you look like a fake and/or attract the wrong type of Black woman. (No offense to the hoes and hood rats).
Cheap shoes will not be tolerated. Often this can be a “deal-breaker”.
You have to put your time in the gym — at least 4-5 days a week. Black women are not attracted to geeks. They like a man they can feel secure with…that can protect them…and will not be easily intimidated by the neighborhood or her family. Pound those weights, crunch those abs.
A little color won’t hurt — Sure, you’re White, but a little tanning wouldn’t hurt. You don’t want to be tan like Pauly D from the Jersey Shore either. That’s obsessive. A nice tan says you like the outdoors and are an active person. Sad to say, pale skin is not universally attractive on the eyes.
Your hair should be short and neat — preferably “faded up” nicely by a Black barber, if possible.
Your demeanor — Stop being so nice. It makes you look scared. Look like you can hold your ground. If you jump every time a Black man sneezes, work on that!
Your attitude — I walked into every Black social event like I meant to be there…even if I recognized no one…and yes, being the only White person. When you look uncomfortable or awkward in your surroundings, everyone will see it. How I offset that is simple…just being myself. I smile a lot. I laugh a lot. I jump from conversation to conversation. I genuinely look like I am enjoying myself and having fun. Suddenly, you become part of the event, not like you are “crashing” it.
Know What Your Goals Are — Are you there to take someone home and “get your freak on”? Are you there to meet a quality woman that you are going to meet later in the week? Or are you there to just “get your drink on” and sweat it out on the dance floor? You have to know this so you’ll know how to steer the conversation.
|Baby, I’m good. How are you?|
The Conversation — Stop talking about what you’re into.That’s the easy part. If it’s all about you, save yourself the trouble and go home and masturbate right now…in front of the mirror. Just be patient. If she’s interested, you’ll get more than enough opportunity. When you’re speaking with a woman, find out what interests and excites her. Whatever it is, you like it too. And this may help you when planning for something for you and her to do later on.
a) Do not talk about Black and White issues. Later on in your relationship, you can share that, but not when you first meet. The conversation should be smooth and sexy. So, your thoughts on affirmative action and civil rights… keep them to yourself! And leave your five inch penis out of the conversation too!
b) Do not ask her if she dates White guys. You are not like other white guys, so don’t attach yourself to the mental image she has of them already. Your goal is just to be a guy who is attracted to her and interested in pursuing something with her…even if it’s just sex.
c) You are in control. When approaching her, you’ll have about 15 seconds to make an impression. Assume she will be rude, short, or not interested. But, that’s OK. For many black woman, this is a merely test to determine your persistence level. They know that anything worth having takes initiative. Don’t give up so easy.
|This White guy is totally “feeling” me!|
d) So, you have your opening…what about a closing? Maybe you will leave together? Maybe you picked a date and time later in the week to hook up? I usually liked to exchange numbers. And I gave the woman many days to call me back first.
Keeping your sheets warm takes work. You have to capitalize on every opportunity and “close” every deal. Never leave an exchange with a Black woman without some type of direction or purpose.
Don’t be afraid to talk in her ear. Press your body close to hers. Touch her. Dance with her. The Black woman is very physical. She needs help envisioning you laying in her bed. Look for social cues. Being too “proper” and gentlemanly-like makes you look stiff and awkward… stop it! Although… Warning: Repeatedly smacking her ass on the dance floor will make you look insensitive, disrespectful, and immature.
ATM Machine — Black women seemed to think I had money for her and her friends to buy drinks all night. I’ve NEVER bought a drink for any woman that I hadn’t slept with already. If we had slept together previously, and if she came by herself, I would go to the other end of the bar and order her drink. When the bartender pointed me out, I would smile and raise my glass. That was class. She respected that. What’s the worst that could happen?…….. Maybe she’d like a repeat performance?
Rejected By A Black Woman
Rejection is a part of life. No man gets every woman. Don’t take it personal. Because of my big ego, I would always go after the finest Black women. I never focused on the rejections, I focused on my successes. That made it all worth it!
Finding the right Black woman is a long journey. You will make mistakes… and your intentions will not be “championed” by all. An attractive Black woman is one of the most coveted gifts on the planet… full of rich reward and benefits — so expect competition!
Above all, stay the course. The type of Black woman you want in your life is out there. Be persistent!
You just have to be willing to do what it takes to find “her”. — Are you?